Bleh!

I finally forced myself to go to the doctor yesterday. I always dread it when I have to go for my annual bout of bronchitis because I feel like I’m drug seeking. I know what works. I’ve been doing this for years and yet, for years, the doctors always do the same thing. Give me various different things like steroids, inhalers, or whatever new drug they are pushing. The only thing that works is the steroids to calm things down and the cough medicine with the codeine to stop me from coughing, either until I puke or pee. Even then, it often takes several rounds to get this crap to go away and by then we are into February or March. Continue reading “Bleh!”

And Done!

At least with the decorating part anyway. I still need to get back to work on my nutcracker project, but I think I’m going to need to take a day off to just rest tomorrow. Trying to do all of this over the last week while battling a very nasty cough has just worn me out and I think I need to be done for a bit. Tomorrow is doing to be a veg day where I just sit and soak up all the pretty that is my house for the holidays. Continue reading “And Done!”

Thoughts on #MeToo

I’d been dealing with lots of thoughts on the issue of sexual assault and the general response (or lack thereof) when a woman makes a claim of sexual assault quite a bit lately. With my own personal experience in my past, it is an issue I’ve always had struggles with trying to grasp. The last couple of weeks, there have been a couple of things that have popped up, keeping it in the front of my thoughts, even had a discussion on FB. When I saw the hashtag going around, it kind of felt like maybe I needed to get it out of my head. Continue reading “Thoughts on #MeToo”

Out of Sorts

Last week was hard. Hubby and I made the decision to drop OC from our insurance. It feels like I’m failing as a parent or that I’m a bad parent because I’ve taken that last safety net away. Knowing he doesn’t want it doesn’t change how I feel about it. We decided that we could not give him another opportunity to carelessly or thoughtlessly harm us or the other kids and he could very easily do so as long as he was covered under our plan. Continue reading “Out of Sorts”

Need This To Stop

Another piece of mail has upended me. Well, it wasn’t the piece of mail itself, but what it has led to. Another forced discussion of OC and where our boundaries lie. I could go on and on with the details, but they aren’t what really matter. In the end, we have gotten a definitive “I want nothing to do with you” from OC. Continue reading “Need This To Stop”

Hindsight

One of the many projects that has been sitting on my to do list has been to dig through all of my old photos to find my favorites to print and hang on the walls. I’ve been terrible over the years of just moving them from my camera to my computer and not ever really doing anything with them beyond posting them on FB or adding them to my background or screensaver. Continue reading “Hindsight”

Pretty Little Lies… Ideals

Perfect. Unconditional. Selfless. Black and White/Right and Wrong.

I’m going to apologize upfront as this is going to be kind of long and rambling, but these are things that have, yet again, been running through my head on an infinity loop. Continue reading “Pretty Little Lies… Ideals”

Storm Front

Today is a tough day for me emotionally. Back when OC left, Hubby and I struggled a lot with what was okay to do for him if he needed it and what we just could no longer provide. There was no doubt in our minds that it wasn’t very likely that he would ever ask, but it was something we needed to be prepared for anyway. Continue reading “Storm Front”

Dance Time

My daughter, BG, dances. For her, it is really just about doing something fun. She does most of the options available to her, tap and jazz, but her favorite is ballet. Last year, she got to do pointe for the first time. I was thrilled for her, but found out quickly that, for her, it was probably way more work than what she wanted to put in for something that was just supposed to be fun. After about week 2, she came out of class in tears. Continue reading “Dance Time”

Nearly A Year

It was slightly less than a year ago that OC decided that he wanted a life unhindered by parents and rules. It is past the one year mark since I cut ties with the majority of my family. I have learned a lot in that time. About me. About my kids. About what is important.

Continue reading “Nearly A Year”

Challenge Accepted

MC is in science club this year. It will be his first time, but after just absolutely falling in love last year during his pre-AP biology course, he decided he would rather do that than robotics. One of the things they do is have students submit ideas for their club T-shirt. Apparently, since I was the one to do the shirts for his robotics team a few years ago when they went to worlds, he thought I should work on this as well.

Honestly, I was thrilled. MC looks up to Hubby so much. I’m still there for him and we talk, but he just has this amazing, special relationship with his dad. It isn’t often that I get to feel that with him as well. Between this shirt and other comments he made about the things they will be doing in the club this year and wishing I could be there to work on them with him, just kind of melted me.

Part of what made this so much fun is that we really worked on it together. I pulled all kinds of images and ideas from the internet, then we sat down and went through them, setting aside what we liked and discarding the rest. Once we narrowed it down, I started working on the design. When I got to a point where a choice had to be made, we talked about it, tossed around ideas and options and figured out where we wanted it to go. It was kind of awesome.

Since any of the students can submit a design, they gather submissions and then vote on them, so we won’t know if ours is going to be the one yet, but I was pleased with what we came up with.

Science Club T-Shirt Idea - Front
This is the front of our design.
Science Club T-Shirt Idea - Back
This is the back.

I don’t know how long they have given everyone to get their ideas submitted or when they will make their decision. However it turns out, this was still a fun project. I am over the moon that MC wanted me to do this for him. Being 15 he is getting less and less likely to want or need his mom for things so I am going to soak up every second that he gives me.

Trust and Conditioning

A brief, joking conversation on FB with a long time friend sparked a random, bunny trail of thoughts that have kept circling around in my brain since they got kicked off on that track over a week ago.  The more I keep going back to them, mulling them over, even after having talked it out a bit with Hubby, and have them still hanging around, makes me think that there is more that I need to be getting out of these thoughts. Since I haven’t quite gotten the point yet, I thought I’d toss them out here to see if it would quiet them down. Continue reading “Trust and Conditioning”

Coping and Cleaning Out

The last couple of weekends have been really hard and really busy.  After OC decided to not be here anymore, Hubby and I needed to clean the toxic waste dump that was his room.  It smelled horrid as he never did laundry or cleaned up even slightly.  When I say didn’t do laundry, I mean he hadn’t done it since he got back from my parents the first of July.  Not once.  I’m sure there were even some things buried in his closet that had been there for much longer.  There was trash and junk and pretty much everything you could imagine shoved in every nook and cranny. Continue reading “Coping and Cleaning Out”

The Hits Keep Coming

Yesterday was an exercise in extremes around here with regards to the kids.  Hubby got this heart meltingly awesome text from MC basically saying what an awesome dad he is and that MC appreciates and loves him.  It was random and out of the blue.  It isn’t something that MC has ever done in the past and his displays of affection aren’t that common, as is typical for a 14 year old.  It made me cry at how utterly amazing this kid is and that he has this huge squishy heart. Continue reading “The Hits Keep Coming”