The First Flood Of Lasts

I’ve mentioned before that this is going to be a year of lasts for me. When I say year, I’m mostly referring to school year and not calendar year, because it is BG’s senior year. That is bringing with it SO many lasts and they are making me a bit of an emotional mess.

While there will be a whole lot of lasts when it comes to school, the big ones that are going to hit the hardest are going to be the lasts that come with dance. Her studio doesn’t include students out of high school. I think it is in part because the thought is that if you are continuing to dance past that point, it is in a very different capacity, like theater or more professional types of performances, not at a dance school. Once you’ve graduated, you are done at the studio.

That is hard on almost all of these kids because, unlike with school, they are in these same classes from the time they start, for some that is in preschool, until they graduate high school with mostly the same group of people for that entire time. It becomes a home away from home and a second family for a lot of these kids and hitting that point where it is all over is incredibly hard on them. I think this is BG’s 10th year dancing. That is a huge chunk of time and history to just walk away from, so it isn’t a surprise that it is so emotional.

As a parent, seeing that slowly happening throughout the year is just as hard. We are starting to have some of these lasts happening now. I just went to BG’s last pointe costume day where they get their pointe costumes for the year and they try them on and dance in them for the first time. While that one didn’t have me bawling my eyes out, it reminded me pretty forcefully that it is just the first step because it means that we are only about a week away from the Christmas programs. And these will be BG’s last ones ever.

I have 3 to go to this year so I’ll be able to savior them, but the last one of the year is always ballet. That is both BG’s and my favorite, so it is going to be incredibly hard to sit through it taking my photos while I have tears pouring down my face.

As parents, we often say that we aren’t ready for them to grow up. I don’t think you can ever really be ready for that. Seeing such a huge part of who they have been for years slowly ending is so much harder than I ever imagined. I’ve always known that she wouldn’t dance after she graduated. She absolutely loves it, but it is in a casual way, not the passionate kind that pushes you into dancing professionally. But it is still something that I’ve loved watching her do and have loved seeing how much it has shaped her over the years. It is so hard to see it starting to come to an end.

These Christmas programs will be a flood of lasts and I’m going to struggle to get through them. There won’t be much of a break between these lasts and the next round, either, because once the new year hits, there are going to be even more because then she will start preparing for the biggest last. Recital.

So, please excuse the tears and sniffles and wild mood swings. I may hate feeling it all, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.