Redlining Stress Levels

The last few days leading up to recital are always stressful, but usually tempered with a lot of excitement, both on my part and on BG’s part. This year’s stress has been multiplied exponentially in so many ways and almost none of that is because of excitement, which is so damn sad.

Last night was dedicated to going through every single piece she would need and making sure it was labeled.  Always a pain because you know some things are already labeled, things from the previous year and some that they’d gotten earlier in the year, but you still have to check every single thing. We have to sift through it all and make sure we aren’t missing anything.

Part of this process also requires a last fitting on all costumes and accessories (hair pieces, gloves, whatever) to make sure I don’t have to do any adjustments or modifications to make sure not only does everything fit right, but that it fastens securely. I was forced to do some major last minute alterations to a costume a few years ago, like we are walking out the door last minute, and I swore I’d never do it again.

The whole process is like planning and packing for a 2 week long vacation to another country.

Just to get an idea, she has 5 costumes, 1 T-shirt, a leotard and dance pants, 2 hats, 2 hair pieces, 2 pairs of gloves, a pair of earrings, 3 different types of tights, 2 different pairs of tap shoes, a pair of jazz shoes, ballet shoes, pointe shoes (and all the inserts and toe pads to go with) and a pair of tennis shoes. These are all just the obvious, required parts to what she has to wear on stage. That doesn’t take into account all the extra things she needs to have on hand and all the back ups (tights especially) just to get through all the performances.

Or the masks. Do not get me started on the utter nightmare that makes of an already stressful mess. We had to run through options for shoving it down the front of costumes if she couldn’t make it work to wear on stage (our solution to a pile of them on a table). So fun!

We only went through the costume stuff last night. Even that still needs to be organized in a way that makes it easy for her to get to what costume she needs when she needs it.

Normally, she only has to be prepped for about 4 hours or so of time for each of the two days. This year, because of the need to break down the sizes of the shows, she will be at the venue for nearly 12 hours, so we also have to plan for additional things like food and the fact that I won’t be there but for a few of those hours so she has to figure out things on her own if something comes up. She doesn’t do her own hair so if there is a problem, and having to do things like hair pieces and pinning a mask in place is going to create problems, she is going to have to solve it on her own. That means more stuff to try and pack.

You should see my list of things she has to make sure she doesn’t forget. A whole host of those things are things she has never had to take before.

She is of course stressed more than normal, which is a lot because she is a stresser normally. She wants to wear her mask on stage, but it is not an easy thing at all. The biggest issue is of course the costume I made these to go with because it also has a hat. With the mask and the hat, you see her eyes, if you are lucky. There are so many issues with the logistics of it that it is going to be a problem. I spent probably an hour last night trying to get it to work to her satisfaction and we didn’t really find a solution.

I honestly don’t know how these girls aren’t going to be absolutely dragging by the second day. They are going to be dancing so much through all of this. So much more than normal.

Over the course of two days, she will be performing:

Opening tap, 10 times
Regular tap, 2 times
Ballet – 3 different dances, 2 times each
Pointe, 2 times
Hip hop, 2 times
Jazz, 2 times
Assistants, 10 times

Those can run anywhere from a few minutes to well over 6 minutes (assistants and opening tap are the longer ones) for each performance. Most of those aren’t any different than normal, but the opening tap and the assistants dance get performed in every show and there are SO many this year. It is so much that the kick line they normally do in assistants has been scrapped for the faculty because the owner, who is in her 70s, said that she can’t do the opening tap kick line and the assistants kick line that many times, so all of the faculty opted to not do it if she couldn’t be with them.

When you look at that, the time BG is at the venue, the time she is on stage (and may yet do so without a mask, depending on circumstances), it all has so many potentials to be problematic.

Then combine that with her role as an assistant where she has to not only be an example to the younger kids, but to help them follow the rules, get ready to go on stage and help herd them where they need to go and you are talking about a stress factory of epic proportions.

The studio told the assistants especially that they have to be very careful to wear their masks at all times when they aren’t on stage. If the venue sees this rule not being observed, they will shut it all down. I’ve added that to my list of worries because I know how so many of those girls have treated the mask rule inside the studio. There is a very real chance that someone will be an idiot at one of the first shows and shut the whole thing down for everyone else making all of this work and effort for nothing.

I do want the opportunity to get to see BG perform. I’m exited for that. It is all overshadowed by how stressed out I am about how many things could go really wrong.

I keep thinking that I just need to get through this and I can relax back into my hermit mode for a while, but that isn’t the case. We still have a graduation to get through, one we STILL don’t know the plan for. On the heels of that we have to work on getting MC ready to go to college. I have no clue when my stomach is going to unknot and finally settle down.

June: Month Of The DNF

Lately, I’ve been doing more of a month end followup with a listing of books I’d recommend from the month rather than packing the month with reviews. Not for June.

June kind of crystallized why I’ve been changing all of my book blogging and reviewing habits lately, including stepping down from the staff position at Envie! Magazine. Something is shifting for me.

Last month, I had 6 DNFs. That is more books in one month I didn’t finish than in the entirety of 2018 and almost half of my total for last year. In one month. And I’ve already added one to that so far in July and we are only on day 3.

What I did read and finish, I mostly wasn’t loving. They weren’t awful, but I just wasn’t as into them as I thought I’d be. Including books from authors I’d thoroughly enjoyed in the past. I found that new peeves are peaking their heads out and partying with my old peeves, making a nasty mess of an awful lot of books lately.

Apparently, I just need something different from my reading. Something I’m not getting and, at the moment, don’t even know what that something is. It is frustrating beyond belief. At the same time, I’m not looking at it as an entirely bad thing.

I know that a portion of that (only a small portion) is feeling a bit burned out at the “required” part of reading that I was starting to feel. Between having to have a review every month for the magazine (a positive review, mind you), the deadlines to get any NetGalley reviews completed and the personal push to post reviews on the majority of books I read, I over did it. And it’s not the first time. You’d have thought I learned the last time.

I needed the reminder and that is why I don’t see this weird state as so much a bad thing as it is an opportunity for me to shift my focus. I need to get back to why I was writing about books in the first place, writing about them because I felt like I actually had something to say, good or bad, and not just writing about a book because I read it.

One thing I’ve learned along the way is that as cool as it is to get books ahead of release day via NetGalley, I’d much rather have the official version rather than the not-always-clean ARC version. That peeve about not great editing or mistakes is amplified when you combine it with imperfect or non-existent formatting (definitely not all books from there are this way, but many have been). It makes it really hard to look past sometimes and just get to the story. And that is ultimately all I’m really after anyway, the story.

The other piece to this is when I get like this, not feeling all that satisfied with the books I’m reading, something else seems to spike in its place. It seems like this time it is going to be the drive to be really creative, in a number of ways. The photos are absolutely still a huge focus, but I want to try and dig a little deeper into them. I’ve also really been loving spending a lot of my time in my studio, whether it has been working on the masks or any number of smaller, “fix it” kind of projects.

Hubby and I have talked about actually finishing out that space. The lighting is atrocious. Any effort to rectify that will require a lot of other kinds of work, so might as well go all the way. With that in mind, I’ve been brainstorming what my ideal craft room/studio space would actually look like rather than a couple of random, crappy free standing cabinets on bare concrete floors and walls with an equally crappy folding table with probably a dozen storage bins in different locations across the basement holding all the various different bits of fabrics, yarn, and I’ve forgotten what all else that didn’t make it into said cabinets. The only really great thing I have in there is my workbench, which creates all kinds of other difficulties.

All that just means that I’m going through a shift. Where all the crafty, creative stuff has taken a backseat to the books the last few years, it may be going the other way for a while. I’m still not sure.

I want to spend some time trying to come up with a plan for my studio that is doable without being too much. Enough that I don’t feel like I have to put protective sheets over every surface to keep the cat hair, dust and pesky multi-legged creatures out of my space and make it more functional and appealing to spend time in. I want to spend more time there doing the creative bits and not the clearing things off so I can work bits, or the hunting down the materials bits.

I want to do that and still read, but I’m needing to rebalance my time. All those DNFs just managed to drive it home that it’s past time. I have a list of projects I want to work on or that I’ve considered. As soon as I get through recital next week, assuming I survive the stress, I’m going to start working on prioritizing and planning. And, hopefully, getting creative.

 

 

Another Day, New Chaos

The last couple of weeks have felt like I’ve been going constantly. Between projects I needed to get done, like the garage, and all the running to get BG to the studio and all the things that are wrapped up in nearing recital time, it seems like I’ve had very little down time. Doesn’t look like that is changing for at least a little while.

The new mask mandate from the city means that masks are required for BG’s dance recital. I’m still not 100% how exactly that is going to work, though it should seem very straight forward. I knew that the studio staff was going to be stressing about it, especially the visual of masks on stage.

I’ve offered to make masks for all the girls in opening tap that match their costumes. That is about 55 additional masks. I’d love to do enough for all the staff and assistants for the assistants dance as well, but I just won’t have the time for that many. I’ll be pushing the time frame as it is to get these done.

The teacher was a little stunned by my offer and more the willing to take it. It will give them at least one performance, their big one, where everyone on stage has the same look, something that will be impossible to pull off for every single other performance. Even though they will match the costume for that performance, they will still be basic enough to look really good with all their other costumes as well.

As with the masks I made for the staff earlier, it is kind of a selfish motivation. If I can get as many of these kids wearing masks as I can, it helps to protect my own kid and also helps to make her not feel like she stands out as the only one.

There is apparently still some question, despite the mask mandate, as to whether they are required while the dancers are on stage. The audience and everyone backstage, absolutely. On stage? There is some belief that it isn’t. I’m not sure how that works out as far as justification goes. Because of that, there is a chance that my efforts will be for nothing as the dancers will then be allowed a choice. If the classes I’ve seen over the last couple of weeks are any indication, I doubt there will be anyone on stage with a mask.

I’m still doing it anyway. Just in case. And as an encouragement. Anything at all to try and help.

Besides, everything could change in another week. Or day.

We’ve also got the official word that MC will be staying on campus this fall. They’ve made changes to the housing plans so that he will have his own bedroom and bathroom, but will still be sharing a living space with another student.

He has to follow a plan for a couple of weeks before going to campus to monitor his health and then he has to be tested before being allowed in his room. I have no idea what that means once he is on campus. Will they not be allowing students to leave at all once they are there? I don’t really know how they can control that or ensure that students don’t do something that could expose them and bring it back to campus.

I’m really surprised by it all. This school already has a large online presence, so I’m a little baffled by their push for not only in person classes but the requirement to stay on campus. Unfortunately, we don’t have a choice in the matter as MC’s scholarship has a requirement that he live on campus his freshman year.

I’m really not taking anything as definitive at this point, but I’m trying to think ahead, just in case.

The upside to finding out MC will be on campus is that he has already gotten the name and contact information of his roommate and has already reached out. So far, they don’t have a lot in common other than they both play a particular video game. MC was a little surprised they paired him with a nursing student and not another computer science student, but he doesn’t seem too bothered by it.

As of right now, we’ve gotten no communication from BG’s school with regards to going back in the fall, so that one is still very much an unknown. Even with all of this, I know that tomorrow may change it all, so whatever plans are in place are far from concrete.

I guess the big downside to living in an area that still has really low case numbers is that so many things still want to move forward like nothing is going on. It gives people a false sense of security or feeling of immunity. That doesn’t even take into account the anti-mask crowd and their attitudes.

I have no clue what it is actually going to look like in two weeks when we attempt to have this recital. The social distancing plan for the audience is still very much in place as is the dressing room assignments, though masks are now also required. For that, I’m hugely relieved, though I would not want to be in the position to have to attempt to enforce that rule.

For now, I’m back in mask making mode and thinking ahead to what kinds of things I will need to have in place if MC does actually end up on campus this fall.

 

End Of The Day

Dance picture day yesterday turned into “take all the pictures” day.

I always take photos of BG in her costumes at home, or as much as I can without making her change a billion times. For the first time, she allowed me to also take some outside the studio where they have their dancer silhouette on the wall. It is the standard parent kind of shot, but she’s never let me get one before, so I was really excited to finally be able to.

And, DAMN!! Those are some of the best photos I’ve take of her. I’m talking, a couple of them at least, look like the kind of shots you’d see on a magazine cover. It makes me so damn tempted to break my “no photos of the kids” rule here on my blog just to share it.

It helps that two of the costumes in those photos are some of my favorite ever, the top one being the costume for opening tap this year. It is this phenomenal get up and she absolutely rocks the hell out of it. I cannot get over how stunning she looks in it. He teacher even stole the image (with permission) and posted it on the studio’s page because it is so classic for the look and feel they try to get with that performance.

Since I was already deep into photo mode, I was keeping a close eye on the weather and lighting as I still had another set of photos MC wanted me to take to include in his “senior photo package” we’ve been working on. Shockingly, everything came together and we had a gorgeous evening with a long golden hour that was absolutely perfect.

I dragged both him and BG out because I also wanted to try and get a good one of the two of them together and we spent probably an hour taking photos. I took nearly 400 pictures in all yesterday (and no, they weren’t all good, not by a long shot) and, I think, managed to finish up the pictures that MC wanted. Hopefully. I did also manage to get a couple of really good ones of the two of them together so I have some new photos for my family photo walls.

Of course, because I was already there and the sky was gorgeous, I made them wait just a little longer after we were done before we could go home so I could grab a couple of sunset shots as well.

MC made it abundantly clear that he would prefer that if I had my camera nearby that someone else should be in the driver’s seat of the car because I spend as much time trying to see what’s going on with the sky as I do the road. He was teasing, but… he also isn’t entirely wrong. It is such a joy to drive with two newish driving teenagers in the car pointing out every single thing you do that isn’t strictly by the book.

In all, it was a great day. BG got her dance photos out of the way (I nailed the car dressing room perfectly). I was able to finish up with MC’s photos and got a few fun ones of my own along the way.

Of course, it was also a typical roulette wheel of “What New Random Loop Is Going To Get Thrown At You Today” kind of day as well because our mayor announced a mandatory mask requirement for all indoor public spaces (with a few strict exceptions) that is going to last for at least the next couple of weeks. This covers the time frame for recital, so I have zero clue how the studio is going to work that one out as it includes the dancers on stage.

I’m in “wait and see” mode again, but I still have to make sure she has everything that she needs, including new tights and a few extra small things. It is so odd waiting on things I ordered knowing there is a high chance they won’t be used, at least not this year. We may hear more today when she goes to the studio for her last ballet class before recital.

At least I have pictures!

Where’s The Line?

Have you ever done something that you’ve really heavily invested in, be it money or time and effort, and just kept having things go wrong? There comes a point where you have to decide to either just scrap that investment and move on or keep dumping into it hoping things will eventually fall into place. When do you find that breaking point where you scrap it all? Do you ever?

This is where I feel BG’s dance studio is at. Sort of. It is so damn complicated.

I’ve mentioned before what a normal year looks like. Two large shows with both a dress rehearsal night and a recital night. Prior to that is the excitement of getting costumes and having a big event with picture days. All of this after lots of class hours in the studio learning the routines.

This is so not a normal year, obviously. Apparently, it isn’t all because of the virus and issues radiated out from that, either.

We learned yesterday that a second costume BG was supposed to get, her assistants’ costume, is different than what they initially ordered. This is the third one that I’m aware of at the studio and BG gets two of them. The first one that got changed, the ballet costume, is… just not like anything they would normally get. I won’t say it is awful, because it really isn’t. It is just really plain and basic and that isn’t a direction they go in choosing costumes. It was kind of a disappointment to pretty much every single girl. We don’t find out until Sunday what the assistant costumes look like.

I’d heard that this may just be a problem with the vendor in general that was an issue before things started shutting down and not even directly related to the virus.

They scrapped the costume entirely for hip hop early on and are just going with a t-shirt and the girls will wear their own dance pants instead.

Those 2 shows are now 5 and only parents of the kids in the classes for that specific show, not counting the girls that do opening tap and assistants (they have their own show and BG is one of those), are allowed to attend that show. Normally anyone can go to any show and it isn’t a problem. They have had to resort to issuing tickets and limiting each family to 4 to ensure that they can keep the people in the audience distanced. Because of that, we cannot be at all 5 shows that BG dances in, only her one assigned show, making us scramble to figure out the logistics of it all when normally I’d just go and be at the venue the entire time.

That requires a whole other host of problems that cropped up in the issuing of those tickets. Even with them doing all the numbers and leg work to make sure every family had the opportunity to get seats and still have extra room, a few of those shows still “sold out” (they are not charging for these tickets, it is only a reservation kind of thing) leaving some families unable to get seats. I don’t know if that is because there was some sort of glitch in their system or if some families just refused to follow the rules. I’m leaning toward a little bit of both.

They have had to scrap the usual class group photos for their picture day and are only doing individuals, of which we had to schedule appointments for each photo (one for each costume) and they cannot change at the studio. I have a makeshift dressing room set up in the back of my car so BG can change without us having to drive back and forth between the studio and home a dozen times.

These are just some of the more out there and obvious things that I personally know about. I won’t even get into the lack of mask wearing by a very large majority of the kids in the classes, a majority that grows with the age of the class apparently (meaning BG’s class has her and maybe one or two other girls that actually follow this rule) or the number of places I’ve heard of kids traveling, including out of the country and to states with high case numbers, and yet are still planning on returning to class as soon as they get back.

I cannot even begin to fathom all the time and money (at the very least, the cost of the extra costumes, but I know is actually so much more) they have invested in this. I’m absolutely certain that if this were just about any other studio, this would have been canceled when they couldn’t hit their original recital dates. I truly admire and appreciate every last bit of the effort they are making for all of these kids.

But…

Sometimes you really have to stop and wonder if the Universe isn’t trying to tell you something. I am pretty certain they feel like they are past the point of no return with all they have done up to this point. I get it. I really wouldn’t want to be in their position.

Sadly, it isn’t even close to done yet. We still have a few weeks before the recital and case counts are going up. Our mayor is probably going to be issuing a mandatory mask rule in public spaces in the next couple of days.

It is such an ugly situation with no good solutions. I am wondering how worth it is going to be in the end when the result is so very unlike what it would have been normally, especially if it is such a disappointment to so many people, like with the costumes. I don’t know that we are there just yet, but it is really starting to feel like it.

For today, I have to prep for pictures this afternoon and feel grateful I didn’t plan on getting a professional one of BG in her assistants’ costume because she doesn’t even have it yet. I’m still hanging by a thread on having her participate in the recital at this point. We’ve all discussed it and are watching the case counts and she is being a rock star at wearing her mask even when she feels so alone in doing so.

The closer we get, though, the more I really kind of wish they’d finally hit their breaking point and just throw in the towel. I also know that is so unlikely to happen unless it is mandated by health officials.

The stress from all of this is off the charts.

 

Getting Tied Into Knots

I’ve spent the last month or so being a little bit in awe over how far BG’s dance studio is willing to go to try and give these kids as much of a recital and celebration of all their hard work as they can while still attempting to maintain that balance of safety and required distancing. They have bent over backwards and twisted themselves into shapes resembling pretzels in an effort to try and pull off that incredibly fine line of balance.

They have put in hours and hours for each class and each teacher recording and uploading instructional videos so the kids could continue to learn their routines in preparation for being able to return to class. This often means more than one video for each individual dance. One for the slower, breakdown instruction of the steps and at least one more for the routine in time with the music. Often, it also means multiples of these as they are often done in segments. Many of those teachers also work other, full time jobs.

They have had to make major changes to choreography to eliminate any kind of pairing and contact, like hand holding, to work on maintaining distance between dancers. They’ve changed how they work within the studio so that there is more spacing between dancers, changed the timing of the classes to create gaps so the lobby isn’t overwhelmed and to give them time to sanitize between classes. They’ve implemented the requirement to wear masks and rules for being able to even attend in person classes.

We have now finished out our second week back and it has been… interesting, frustrating and a little shocking to see how it is all trying to unfold.

The studio has lost a large number of students for this last part of the year. I’m making assumptions, but this is in part because some parents have chosen to just not allow their child to participate because of the risk. Some because it is outside of their normal times and have other commitments (we are usually done by the end of May). I’m also certain that there are probably a few parents that refused to send their kid because of the mask requirement. It seems the younger the class, the fewer students came back. It looks like the older group that BG is in is mostly all there.

I have been absolutely floored by the varied responses to all of this, at least in the group that BG interacts with the most.

One is the very blase` attitude towards the mask rule. It is more of a paying lip service kind of thing than something that is respected. Inside the studio, masks are on only a portion of the time on a lot of the girls. Outside, the girls are still gathering in close groups and in cars with no masks at all.

Another is the same sort of attitude from a decent chunk of these kids with regards to actually respecting all the work the staff put into making all those videos. So many girls don’t know squat when it comes to the routines. Even routines they knew before everything closed have now been forgotten. BG was absolutely stunned at how many hadn’t even looked at a video in all the weeks they were away. Yes, there are a few legitimate excuses as to why (not having the access to the app or decent enough internet to view the videos) but that is only a small fraction of the whole. I could go on forever on all the ways this is a problem because there are so many parts to this, but I’m still blown away by it and even more impressed by BG’s dedication to making sure she went back to class fully prepared. I think she is a little impressed with herself because of it as well.

Did I mention that my girl has danced nearly every single day while she was away from the studio?

One of the things the studio prides itself on is making sure all routines and music are appropriate for the age of the dancers and the audience. With recent events being what they are, they determined that some of the music that was being used in the high school hip hop routine edged too close to potentially being insensitive so they’ve had to find other music to replace it and remix it all. They’ve attempted to do so in a why that allowed them to keep the choreography, but slight changes have had to be made.

They have also had to completely rework the schedule and layout of their normal recital. Instead of 2 shows, splitting the age groups, they have had to split it into 5 to attempt to keep the gathering sizes down. They also have to submit the dressing room assignments and layout to the city for approval to show they are meeting guidelines along with limiting family for each dancer to only 4 people.

The family limit creates an issue, so they’re working to get it live streamed so those that can’t be there can still watch. This includes purchasing new equipment.

There is just so much that they are doing to make sure this all moves forward. It is kind of blowing my mind how much effort they are putting into it. It has also got to be massively stressful and frustrating because it has caused all kinds of problems as well.

One of the teachers won’t be able to be at the studio for the rest of the season for personal reasons and the other teachers aren’t familiar with her routines. Routines that very few of the girls actually know and there is a whole host of issues with.

I found out yesterday that some of the costumes won’t be here in time for recital, including the one for BG’s ballet dance, a costume they had planned to use for multiple dances as one of the things they do to cut cost, wearing a skirt that belongs to the studio, isn’t something they can do this year. They have attempted to get something else that is supposed to arrive this week, but the original costumes have already been bought and paid for and this second costume is costing them.

I feel for the staff. They are doing everything they can, but… it is really kind of a giant cluster. I don’t envy the position they are in. It is costing them a lot of money they wouldn’t have normally had to spend (the extra costumes, the new equipment for streaming and for sanitizing the studio), costs that they aren’t passing to the families. They are in a position to be forced to decide whether or not they are going to police the dancers on masks and following the rules for being able to attend class (pretty sure one dancer just took a trip to Mexico).

I have wondered a few times why they are so persistent. I understand in a lot of ways why they would want to be, wanting to make sure they can honor all this hard work, especially for the seniors, but the reality of everything still makes me wonder. It is going to be so vastly different as it is right now. There is still a huge chance that this is all going to be canceled as the number of cases in our area are starting to climb, though we still have extremely low numbers in comparison.

I admire and really appreciate their hard work and effort. I really do. I’m also left questioning if this is all worth it. I’m questioning BG’s safety, though she is adamant about being safe in what she does, others really, REALLY aren’t. The short classes at the studio don’t bother me so much. The exceptionally long days, like yesterday where she is there for over half the day, and the actual dress rehearsal and recital, two days where she will be at the venue for nearly the entire day surrounded by these other kids, are such a huge concern for me.

I still don’t know what the studio’s expectations are regarding parents in my position that have a girl that is required to be in all 5 shows as far as audience attendance goes. I don’t like the idea of dropping her at the venue to be there all day and only attend the show that is specifically hers. I also don’t like the idea of spending these entire two days at the venue in the audience either.

I am so torn up and twisted about this whole thing. BG has even said that she almost wishes they would just cancel it. She doesn’t want to not have a recital, but she’s also stressed about it all. This is such a hard thing. I do understand a bit why they feel the need to keep going, but at the same time, I really don’t.

I can always just pull her. I’ve considered it, but I don’t think I’ve reached that point yet. Also, she is 16 and should have a say and she hasn’t reached that point yet either. I’ve asked myself over and over what would need to happen to make me reach that point, but I still haven’t come up with an answer.

The recital is about a month away and a lot can change between now and then. In one way, I’m excited to see BG perform the dances she has worked her ass off to learn and to see her be a part of some of the traditional parts of this event for the first time. At the same time, I’m a stressed out, worried mess that wishes the whole thing would just get canceled.

 

 

 

Black and White Drops and Ruffles

I had such a hard time deciding if I wanted to post this version or the color version because they are both amazing. So…

Peach Iris Coated In Rain
Peach Iris Coated In Rain

Yesterday went well for BG. She feels so much better about everything now that she knows how the new normal looks and runs at dance.

The masks were an absolute hit and cracked me up to no end. BG hadn’t been in the studio with them for 5 minutes when I see the owner walk out with one on. Less than a minute later the teacher for that class also walks out with hers on (all the students were greeted with hand sanitizer outside the doors of the studio before they were allowed in). It was funny and sweet and I’m over the moon thrilled that they are enjoying them.

Another upside was that all the kids going into the studio had their masks. The parents standing around socializing outside weren’t as good about keeping theirs on or keeping their distance, but it could have been so much worse.

The sad thing, and we don’t know yet what it means going forward, was that probably half or less of the class showed up. It is going to be interesting to see how the rest of the week pans out as this was the very first of all the classes back. I’m especially concerned about how many older girls will show and how that will impact routines and recital.

BG was absolutely stunned to find out that her assistant friends from last night had either not practiced AT ALL or only a tiny bit. My girl has been dancing nearly every single day. As soon as a video for one of her routines was posted, she added it to her schedule and started working on it.

It is going to make an already chaotic and different recital even more so.

In some non-dance news, I’m working on making some changes for me. I’m sure it has already been noticed that the book reviews have dwindled down to almost nothing. There are lots of parts to this and I may still work up a post about that, but for now, I’m stepping back from most of that, including writing them for Envie!

This blog has been and always will be a space for me to share the things that bring me joy with the occasional rant or emotional outpouring thrown in. When things start to feel like that isn’t the focus anymore, I’m going to make changes. It seems like now is one of those times. I’m still not 100% sure what all will be changing or how much. It may not even be all that noticeable because the photos will absolutely still be coming.

Life is so full of stress and frustration and uncertainty right now, the last thing I need is for my blog to add to that so I’m going to make sure it isn’t.

Iris, Honeysuckle, & Chaos

Okay, so there isn’t anything really special about this photo, but there is something about the color contrast of the honeysuckle bloom laying on that purple petal that just kind of grabs you. I just thought it was an interesting contrast of colors, especially because it was such an unintentional setup.

Today marks the beginning of the chaos that was originally supposed to start back in April. BG goes back to dance for the first time since early March. With that comes a whole lot of new chaos that wasn’t in the original plans.

Yes, she will still be at the studio 4 times a week. Yes she will still have her extra rehearsal times for her additional performances. Those parts were already in the plans. Now included is the requirement for ALL students, teachers, staff, pretty much anyone that sets foot in the studio to wear a mask.

Even that requirement has been changed once as it was originally just staff and assistants that were required and all other students were optional, but local ordinances changed, so they implemented those changes.

My part of that effort will be going with BG to class tonight. A total of 30 masks, the bulk of which are for the studio staff. The handful of others will go to her fellow assistants in the classes she shares. I would have loved to have made one for every single assistant at the studio, but that number is nearly 100 and doesn’t include the actual staff.

It is going to be extremely interesting to see how everything plays out from here. I cannot imagine being a teacher and trying to enforce the mask rule on kids that are not only dancing, but in each other’s presence for the first time in months. Especially those in the much younger grades.

It is also going to be really interesting to see what kind, if any, push back they get from parents for enforcing that rule.

The other part of the chaos is going to be how I handle her long days at the studio.

Normally, the days she is there for longer than an hour, I go back home. Now, classes have been slightly shortened to allow staff to do any sanitizing between classes and to try and minimize the surge of students passing each other through the lobby between classes. I’m not certain what this means for ballet days where BG already normally has an hour gap between as they have not said anything about those students needing to leave. If she has to leave the studio, it would mean I’d need to stay the entire 2 1/2 hours so she could come sit with me in the car for that gap. The 20 minute drive home makes it impractical to leave and come back.

To make that already confusing for those long days even more so, she has at least 2 where it is even longer because of extra rehearsals. The first one is this Saturday. She is supposed to be at the studio from 3:30 until 9, with 2 different breaks in between. One is that hour long break and the other is a 15 minute break.

I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do that day. The idea of sitting in the car for that long really doesn’t appeal and it’s not like I’m going to go hang out at a nearby restaurant or shop right now. I wasn’t doing it before and I’m certainly not doing it now. I still have time to come up with a plan, but I’m struggling.

I still have a whole lot of mixed feelings about all of this moving forward. Especially with recent events creating something of an outbreak bomb waiting to go off in the area. As of right now, all the numbers are still impossibly low, so that helps. I’m just not convinced it will stay that way and that the parents will act responsibly on sending their kids to classes.

The only thing I know for sure is that BG is as ready as is possible for her to be to go back. She still isn’t entirely comfortable with wearing a mask while dancing, but she has gotten used to it enough that I’m not worried it is going to set off an anxiety attack at the studio.

I’m also fully prepared to pack like I’m going on a trip with my camera, my computer and my tablet to ensure I can keep myself entertained. No matter how long I’m having to sit in the parking lot.

Thank goodness tonight will only be about an hour.

 

Celebrations, Events, And Hard Decisions

The day after we get updated information about the plans for holding BG’s recital this year, Hubby gets notified that he will be working from home through the summer. Only critical infrastructure employees will be allowed back in the office.

Hearing that Hubby is going to be allowed to work from home for at least that long was such a massive relief. He works in a large building with a lot of other people. Their set up is currently a semi-shared space that doesn’t work with any kind of distancing. They are working on making changes to the entire building, but options and space are limited, so work from home for those that can is the current state. And I’m so very, very happy about that.

At the same time, BG is supposed to return to dance class the first part of June. The studio has made some changes to do what they can to ensure safety, including shortened class times to give time to sanitize and changes in routines that eliminate all physical contact (mostly only ever in the younger grades). Staff and assistants will wear masks as well.

While the changes are definitely good, it is still a very active thing and some classes, ALL of BG’s classes, are full of dancers. Even the change in how they utilize the space to give more room and limiting all space in the studio to dancers and teachers only, still leaves a pretty crowded studio for many of these classes.

Then there will be recital. There are some massive changes to their normal plan. What was previously broken into two shows will now be 5 and based on grade level. This reduces the number of girls in dressing rooms and the number of people in the audience.

What does not change is the fact that the older girls that participate in certain performances, which BG does for the first time this year, will still participate in every show. Instead of her performing those dances 4 times between dress rehearsal and recital, it will be 10. For each dance, of which she has potentially 3 (still waiting on word for one dance). This is on top of her other 5 dances she will do in her own show.

Also because she is in every show for those dances and to assist her younger girls, she will be at the venue from 9am until probably close to 9pm or after for two days in a row. This presents yet another issue.

They have asked that you only attend the show for your child. Technically, her show is the last one, but she is there all day. I either take her and drop her off, or I stay. In previous years, she was only ever there for the 1 show, but I had planned on just staying for both because the venue is not close to home. Parking sucks beyond belief and getting a decent seat is damn near like trying to get the latest “must have” item at a black friday sale (more on recital day than dress rehearsal, but still crazy).

Now, the last issue is more one of convenience for me over most anything else and , logically, the issues with parking and seating should be reduced drastically because of the smaller show sizes. It should also mean smaller audience sizes. But… how many people have you seen recently that follow the rules or suggestions? I’ve seen some of the family that attend this event. I’m not thinking overly positive about the outcome, even if the studio is doing their damnedest to make this happen in a safe way.

This is currently scheduled for the first half of July and, as has been seen lately, things that seem fine today may be horrible as soon as tomorrow.

I am so damn torn about the whole thing.

I 100% support their efforts in what they are trying to do and I know why they are so determined to still hold this event. This is on par with graduation, if not even more important, for a huge number of the girls that are seniors this year. Seniors are missing out on so much already. I get it. There is a need to find a balance that includes mental health and that is where their efforts come in.

I just have to wonder, when it is all said and done, if it is worth the risk.

They are asking that no one come to the studio that has even traveled outside the state, but will people abide by that request? There is no way to ensure absolutely that they do. They have also stated to not come if you aren’t feeling well or have been around someone that is sick. Again, it is only a request and really cannot be enforced other than to not let someone in that looks obviously ill. I have no clue how they are going to manage the recital at all.

None of that even begins to take into consideration the distribution of costumes (always a very close contact event) and picture day where the lobby is wall to wall students and parents.

Here we are with Hubby’s work running on an abundance of caution (which I am so incredibly grateful for) and then we are pulled in the other direction for BG’s dance.

The thought of not getting a recital this year breaks my heart, but… is it really worth it? I just don’t know.

Toss onto that dumpster fire of “no good solution” is the fact that we also have MC’s graduation scheduled for the end of July. I’m slightly less worried about this event because it is only a few hours tops on a single day in a venue that is more versatile for distancing, but you are still talking about a very large number of people gathering under one roof.

As of right now, I’m cautiously going to allow BG to go to classes when they resume and wait and see what other information will be forthcoming about recital. There is more control in the studio than there is at the venue and she will at least be able to wear a mask.

I’m also going to be watching the news in my area very closely. The studio has been following guidelines and they have made student safety a priority, but there isn’t a lot of clear guidance as to what is actually safe right now and that is my biggest concern.

I don’t want to have to tell either one of my kids that they shouldn’t participate in these incredibly important events, but when you look at the much larger picture, it isn’t just about them. It is about the friends and families of those girls (and a few guys). It is about the people that have to take care of them if they get sick. It is about the people that get left behind if the worst happens.

It makes it even harder to impress this on them, though they are listening, when we essentially live in this sort of bubble where the virus hasn’t really blown up. That sense that “it can’t happen to me” kind of invincibility is too easy to believe. I really believe that is playing a part in the decisions to move forward holding these events.

I’m lucky in that my kids are reasonable. I think that if it came down to it, they would understand. They would be hugely disappointed, but I do think they’d understand. It doesn’t make any of it even a fraction easier, though.

If I were pressed, I have to say that I really don’t think holding these events, even with precautions, is the smart thing to do. Feeling that way makes this so much harder as I just don’t know what the best plan is moving forward. I don’t want to be the bad guy, but I absolutely will if I feel that the situation in my area has gotten bad enough. I hate that I may actually be in the position to have to do that.

 

Technical Difficulties

One of the quickest ways to turn a good day into a crap one is to have problems with your technology.

I have spent way too much of my day either attempting to get yet another problem fixed on my computer (spoiler alert: didn’t get it fixed) or researching how much it would cost to get a new one (ugh! really?) because I’ve about had it.

I absolutely hate that when it comes to technology, there are very few options for keeping old tech functioning well, especially computers. I wast just forced to get a new tablet, so I really don’t want to be forced to get a new computer, but I may not have a choice soon.

As of right now, I’m running, just not well. I’m also apparently at a point where my computer isn’t going to run anymore updates for software that I pay a subscription for. I cannot even manage to uninstall it in an effort to install a clean version (and yes, all the virus scans have been run and are clean).

When I got the new Adobe products, I ran into some compatibility issues, but it was on some of the pieces I probably won’t use and only needed the one for a project BG was doing for school. I figured as long as I’m still able to run and do what I need to do, I should be fine. I’ve always tried to be of the mind that I will run something in the ground before I’m forced to replace it.

Except…

I’m constantly getting kicked off the internet for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with our service as I’m the only one that ever gets bounced, and only with my computer. If it were a simple disconnect, I’d probably deal with it, but it requires a restart of my computer. Every time. Sometimes multiple times a day.

I could go on for days about all the issues I have with simple tasks taking way too long to complete (restarting being a biggie), and lately, some of them just failing instead. To an extent, this is something that speaks to this now highly ingrained need for instant anything all the time, but I shouldn’t need to go take a potty break or a coffee break while I’m waiting for my computer to load something basic. It reminds me of dial up in the 90’s.

I upgraded my ram a couple of years ago when I first started having problems (did a check and I’m at almost 5 years old on this one) and that made a huge difference and I seemed to have averted the need to upgrade for a while. Sadly, the last 6 months or so have been an exercise in patience and frustration and theorizing the ability for a laptop to fly through a window or a wall. Or how it would hold up under the weight of my car as I run over it. Repeatedly. After chucking it into the street.

Some days are way better than others, even to the point where I may not have a single issue for a few days. Then you hit days like today where every single thing works like crap or doesn’t work at all and I waste so much time trying to get things working again.

That makes it even harder to make the decision to get a new one because this one IS working, just in an exceptionally crappy way. It is really hard to justify replacing something that technically still works. Especially when the issue is most likely one small piece of a bigger whole that is either outdated or going bad (or in my case, potentially a combination of those two). It seems like such a ridiculous waste.

I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that I can eek out some more time before I’m forced to give in to the inevitable. I will be on constant back up mode, just in case, though.

Rusty Red Iris

For some reason, I only have a couple of these and they are randomly placed, not clustered like all my other irises.

They are also a pain in the butt to photograph because the color almost never comes out correctly. There is something about my camera and accurately rendering reds that I haven’t quite gotten the hang of. This is where Photoshop becomes my friend. Unless of course, your monitor isn’t the same as mine, then who the hell knows what color you are seeing. This fact is a major point of frustration for me.

Yesterday, MC took his last remaining AP final (AP Calculus) and is officially done with all high school work. He has to go to the school next week to turn in equipment and books, pick up any honor sashes/cords for graduation and then make it to the ceremony scheduled for the end of July, but he is absolutely done with high school now.

Yesterday also brought news that we are probably looking at the new normal for our household, at least through the end of summer as Hubby will not be going back into the office until then at the earliest.

I’ve said before that for the most part, things around here feel much like they would around the holidays when Hubby is on vacation and everyone is home. While we are now well past the longest everyone has been at home at the same time and it still mostly feels that way, it is going to be interesting to see if it continues to feel that way.

After he got the word that this will extend (so damn grateful he works where he does), I joked around that I’m going to have to find some projects to work on in my studio so I have an “escape” from time to time. If I think about it, it is going to be a kind of test to see how well we handle retirement. The only real difference will be that the kids are still at home.

I’m seeing news of some universities saying at least the fall semester classes are going to be online only, but we haven’t heard anything along those lines from MC’s school yet. He is a little worried because there are certain requirements for his scholarship that he has to meet that, as of right now, requires in person interaction. It is also the requirement that he live on campus his first year. I’ve told him that I’m sure the school will make sure that whatever steps they take, it isn’t going to impact his scholarship. It is one of the very many things on the “wait and see” list.

He didn’t really stress about ending high school from home. The most stress he has really shown over the last couple of months was studying for his AP exam. With news about other schools starting to pop up, he is beginning to stress about what will or won’t happen in the fall.

It really does not help one bit that we live in an area that really hasn’t been hit yet. I’m 100% sure that a big part of the small number of cases in our area is because we have local leaders that stepped up fast and hard before it could and it did amazing things to slow down the spread. Sadly, with the push for things to start opening back up, we are going to see those numbers start to spike and everything that has current, tentative plans to happen will most likely change when that spike starts, so it is impossible to think anything will be as it looks right now.

We aren’t even close to being anywhere near out of the woods yet.

From The Top

Hubby ended up taking a vacation day yesterday. In part so he could get a lot of errands run that he needed to do, including going with me to get some flowers, and to get some much needed work done in the yard.

The trip out was interesting and frustrating to say the least. I only went to Home Depot with the plan to only stay in the outdoor section. Apparently, that isn’t allowed because you cannot enter that area. You have to go through the main door so that you can be counted. You can leave through the outdoor section, but you can’t come in that way. Instead, you are being forced to potentially come in contact with even more people by going through the main entrance before you can access the outdoor section.

If I were to estimate, maybe only 25% of the people there were wearing masks, including those working (this from a company that touts providing PPE for all employees, but they apparently don’t require they actually wear any). One of the non-mask wearing workers was coughing like crazy the whole time we were there. Another group was a woman and her 4 kids that looked like high school age all the way down to maybe 3rd grade, none wearing masks or understanding the concept of personal space, let alone stay 6 feet apart.

There are reasons I’ve opted to let Hubby do all the running. This trip didn’t convince me to change my mind. On the plus side, my masks are actually really comfortable and fit extremely well so there was no fidgeting needed which made me feel so much better.

I wasn’t able to get everything that I was hoping to find, sadly. I was able to get what I needed to fill my pots. I also picked up a small lavender plant to go in the ground and a pot of pretty dianthus that will also go in one of my beds somewhere.

When I was looking at the lavender, I spotted the strawberry plants. I have only ever tried growing them once years ago when I had the space, but decided to grab a few on a whim for BG as she absolutely LOVES strawberries. That and I thought it would be fun for her. Between those a few packets of seeds (lettuce, spinach and shasta daisies) that rounded out my trip.

BG was excited to get her strawberries and helped me get EVERYTHING planted. At least the potted ones as I didn’t get the in ground ones done yesterday. It was such a huge help and I loved the fact that she had so much fun. She is a little giddy at the idea that she is getting to grow and take care of her own strawberries, so that was an amazing impulse buy on my part.

I was glad to get my pots taken care of, but I was really disappointed that I couldn’t find everything I wanted. I could go to one of the nurseries if they are open (and around here I really don’t know if they are), but I’m really not sure it is worth it at this point. I did look into ordering some of those things, but didn’t find a site that had what I was looking for (in part because of things not quite being in season). I may dig a little deeper and see if I can locate at least a few things online.

In the mean time, I’ll be watching to see if my seeds come up. I’ve never grown lettuce or spinach myself, so that is going to be a lot of fun.

Pale Purple Iris

This particular iris is interesting because I have two that are near each other and almost the same color, except this one is a little bit paler. The other one’s color is more even and doesn’t lean towards white on the lower petals. The differences are extremely subtle and you wouldn’t notice them unless you were right up on them. I’m not certain if they are the same but presenting different for some reason, or if they are actually different types that just look very much alike.

In all, if you count these as two different ones, I think I have 4 different purple classic irises. I have a dark purple, a medium purple and these two different pale purple ones. The dark has several buds on it and will be open soon. The medium are still a ways off.

I have a few other colors and a siberian iris that are also still a ways off. The ones that are currently open are my white, the purple and cream, the pale purple, my one rust colored one and the dual color mauve/rusty one that photographs amazingly well (have yet to post a photo of that one this season).

I so desperately want to go and get some more flowers to plant, because these aren’t going to last long, but… I’m just not sure if I’m desperate enough. Hubby suggested I go early morning during the week, so I’m considering it. The area I live in is still relatively untouched by the virus, so the risk is lower than in a lot of areas. That is the only reason I’m even considering it. Whatever I decide, it won’t be over the weekend. Not with Mother’s day tomorrow. That isn’t a crowd I want to even contemplate.

Balancing Compassion With Reason

I’m having an incredibly difficult time with this today. Both on a much larger, external scale and a much smaller, personal scale.

I want to be understanding and compassionate when others are having a difficult time, for whatever reason. I’ve always struggled with being able to see both sides of a lot of different situations and not able to feel comfortable landing solidly on either side. Normally, this allows me to more easily be understanding and compassionate.

Some divides are more obvious to me, no matter if I can see both perspectives and knowing where I land is much easier, but it makes it so much harder to find that compassion. Right now, I’m very solidly landing on one side and not only am I finding it hard to feel that compassion, but I’m feeling a whole lot of anger to go with it.

On the larger scale side of things, there is nothing I can really do about it but care for myself and my loved ones, making sure we do what we need for us. On the personal side? Well, that is where it is getting messy and I am not happy today at all.

Personal choices and actions always play a huge part in how I feel about things and this situation is heavily impacted by choices. Selfish and even somewhat thoughtless choices by others are now putting my family at a much higher risk and I’m trying so hard not to be angry about them.

Yes, there are reasons. Some of those reasons are understandable to a degree and I sympathize with those reasons. But many more of them are based on an irrational mindset that they can still live life as if nothing were out of the ordinary and little to no thought or concern is put on how those actions will impact others.

It is so hard not to be angry today. Especially when other options are there, but those options are refused. Especially when others should be playing a part but won’t upset their own personal routine because it isn’t convenient, yet we must inconvenience ourselves at a much higher risk of expense. Especially when advice and guidance has been given by those in a professional capacity with years of knowledge and experience, but it is discounted because the it isn’t the desired solution or outcome. Especially when this was something that was seen long ago, but ignored and left unaddressed. Especially when attitudes come across as a childlike temper tantrum instead of a rational adult willing to look beyond just themselves.

While the above can absolutely be applied to the larger, external situation, it is also very specific to my personal one. Because of that, I’m now being forced to sit on the side and watch the actions of others put me and my family at a much greater risk when it isn’t absolutely necessary. I want to be compassionate and understanding. I know that some of the reasons behind the situation warrant those things, but so much more just makes me angry it is hard to find the balance.

 

Making It Through

I was absolutely shocked when I went to check on my flowers this morning and found my daffodils still hanging in there. After having well over half of the days in April hit below freezing temps, I was stunned I had anything still looking good and working towards blooming. Sadly, of the last 4, two were broken over, so I just cut what was left and brought them inside to enjoy.

We finally got some communication from the school and they do have plans to have a graduation ceremony for the seniors, but it won’t be happening until the end of July. I have everything crossed that can be crossed that things have calmed down and are safe by then. I honestly haven’t a clue what they will do if it isn’t. There is still a chance that MC won’t have a graduation ceremony to walk in, but they are working to make it happen.

We are all going to be on pins and needles for the next several weeks (more than normal) as my FIL had to make a trip to the ER yesterday because of a messed up knee. While he is okay and probably needs a knee replacement (doubt he will go through with it) and the hospital had him in an area that was separate from anyone that was sick, there is still the very real chance that he could have been exposed.

It makes it incredibly hard when you can’t be there to help out. My SIL has been socializing with him and helping with his shopping since they are both alone and individually isolating (outside of those necessary runs). She will still help where she can, but a lot of these kinds of things are the things we normally help with and we can’t right now. He is still in a lot of pain and getting around is going to be extremely difficult, especially because he has stairs in his house. We were already worried about falls, but this has ramped that up by about a thousand.

Before all of this started, we were talking to him about moving to something that didn’t require him to navigate stairs, something it was well past time to consider, but no one wanted to make him feel like he was losing anything important. There are so many things tied up in that decision to move, which made pushing for that change a very delicate matter. Now, everything is on hold indefinitely when that change is most needed. It is something we are going to worry about even more now, but there is not a thing we can actually do.

As little as I am a scheduler or a planner and more of a by the seat of my pants kind of a person, I’m seeing how much I dislike uncertainty, or more accurately, a lack of control. Even when I just go with the flow, I’m in control of most of that flow. Right now, there is so little that is within my control or that I can do anything to make any kind of difference. It is an interesting perspective into the kind of person I am, at least in areas I hadn’t considered before now.

Bleeding Hearts

We dipped below freezing again last night. Figures it would come a day after we hit a record high temperature. Welcome to spring in the mid-west.

These still look good, but they sure felt a little limp, so I don’t know if the tiny buds that are waiting to get bigger and open (do they really open like a normal flower?) are going to actually make it. As with everything right now, I guess I will wait and see.

It was made official yesterday that the kids will not be going back to school this year. They will finish out the year doing their online work. I have no idea what that means for MC’s graduation as the school has yet to communicate with the parents about what plans or alternatives are in the works.

I understand that so much is up in the air right now and there isn’t a lot that can be done about that. I’m good with whatever they do decide. It just drives me crazy that there isn’t any kind of information at all about what may or may not be options. I’d kind of like to know if an out and out cancellation is even on the table at this point.

With BG and dance, the studio has been working tirelessly to work out alternatives, including setting up 2 different back up dates for their recital and letting parents know that this is the plan. It is still open to change and they’ve made that clear, but they’ve also kept the parents informed on an actual plan.

I think it is just the no plan or communication, the whole not knowing part that bothers me. There are so many things that already feel like they are just hanging, any little piece that feels like it is still moving and progressing helps, but this piece is still hanging. I’m not a huge organizer or planner (only certain areas), but I can only imagine how stressful all of this is for those that really need to make plans.

Will it be hard if there isn’t an actual ceremony? Hell yes! MC will be the first of my kids to graduate high school since OC dropped out, so this is a huge moment, especially after all the work he has put into being a phenomenal student. It would be hugely disappointing, but I’m still okay with that if that is how things need to happen. People’s lives, health and well being are so much more important. We will still find a way to celebrate his accomplishment. It just may look very different than expected.

MC is handling the whole thing amazingly well. He’s all “I’ll have some great stories to tell my kids when they are my age.” I’m sure he is still a little disappointed, but he is very chill about the whole thing. I know a lot of other seniors are having much harder time emotionally.

Surprise Hyacinth

I had a different hyacinth bloom this year. It is a surprise because I didn’t plant any new ones where this one popped up. I don’t ever remember having one that looked like this which makes it even more odd. Either hyacinths react to the chemical make up in the ground and mine did something wonky or something else is going on. Whatever it is, it is really pretty. I could handle having more of those.

My bleeding heart is just starting to bloom. I have one line that is opening and a whole bunch that have lots of little buds starting. Hopefully I can manage to get a decent photo. There is something about trying to photograph bleeding hearts that seems to kick my butt and I’m never happy with the results. That and I have to be a little bit of a contortionist to get in there as they are between a couple of other bigger plants.

Yesterday’s parade for BG’s dance studio owner was this amazing, emotional, awesome event. It was so cool to see how over the moon excited the owner was, so much she was bouncing and jumping around all through tears of happiness.

Distance was always kept between the people in cars and the owner as well as between the owner and the couple of people in the yard with her (adult daughters and a couple older grandkids). One of the owner’s daughters (also a teacher) recorded the event and it was nearly a half our long video because of the huge number of cars. It was phenomenal to see the support for such an amazing person.

BG got to see one of her favorite teachers (the one she assists and another daughter) and got to shout to her how much she missed her and got lots words of love and appreciation in return, making her feel so amazing.

I will say that I did still see a whole lot of idiotic people, too. While they did an amazing job keeping the owner safe and keeping distance there, the attendees did an awful job in other areas.

We were told to keep our windows up until we were in front of the house. We met in the neighborhood’s club parking lot to line up (definitely not 6ft. between those cars) and so many people had their windows down, girls hanging out those windows and talking to their friends in the cars next to them, even standing up through sunroofs. There was at least one convertible with the top down and 4 people inside (because of age, I doubt they all lived together) and some brilliant person decided to drive a golf cart.

To say that aspect of it was frustrating is a massive understatement. I felt bad for the organizers because they were adamant about the rules and were doing everything to keep everyone safe, but of course those rules were ignored. This marred the event a bit for me and I hate that because it really was amazing and this incredible outpouring of love and affection for someone that does so much for everyone around her all the time.

It wasn’t just this group’s behavior that I saw yesterday that shocked me at how oblivious people are right now. This was the first time I’ve left my house since this all started, so I was floored at the number of people out. Yes, I was part of it, but I only did this because I knew I wasn’t going to be leaving the car or getting anywhere near anyone. I was still shocked at the amount of traffic because it felt like a normal day.

But more than just the number of people out shocked me. I drove by all kinds of business on my way and there were so many cars in the parking lots of business I didn’t think were supposed to be open or have more than a couple of essential employees. People in convertibles or driving with their windows down through a high traffic area and even those on motorcycles. There is nothing wrong with those things when you aren’t pulling up to lights next to other cars that are also open.

Ever driven down the road with a window open and been hit by the over spray of the car in front of you cleaning their windshield? Get the connection? Is it likely you’ll get exposed that way? Probably not a high probability, but there is still some. That is why all these precautions are in place in the first place. Seeing what I did yesterday, I’m kind of floored that the numbers in my area aren’t significantly higher than they are.

Needless to say, Hubby will be taking MC to pick up his cap and gown. That is going to require at least a minimal interaction even via drive through, so that one is all on him. My ass is staying home.

Surviving

I was a little bit shocked to see that not only are my new daffodils fine and blooming after the freeze, but several of the ones that had already been in bloom made it through. Looks like most of my flowers didn’t take too big of a hit even though we stayed below freezing for most of a day. I’m so glad they all held on!

Even though we’ve not felt as though much is different for us hermits with having to stay at home, there are a few things that have cropped up lately that have been… interesting.

For the kids, they are getting all of their school work done as soon as a teacher posts an assignment, which is almost always first thing in the morning. It is rare that either one of them are still working on actual school work after 9 or 10 am and even that is only if most of their classes actually assigned something (which isn’t happening much outside of the advanced/AP/dual credit classes). It has now become something of an expectation for BG and she gets frustrated when one of her teachers doesn’t post until later in the day. I’m not feeling the sympathy and often have to remind her that she isn’t having to sit in class after she finishes (like she normally would).

Also for BG, it has been trying to keep to her dance schedule. For her, I think that has been the hardest, not getting to go to class. She especially misses the kids she was assisting. Apparently, the owner of the studio is also really struggling with missing all of her kids. While she no longer teaches a specific class, she is always at the studio and will often come in and interact or participate with classes. She is such a social and active person, this has been exceptionally hard for her. Just because she can still do all the moves, including a full kick line with the girls, doesn’t mean that she isn’t in her upper 70’s. That makes it so critical for her to maintain distance and everyone is doing their best to help her stay healthy by staying away. Because of that, a few parents have created a group to work on things the dancers and parents can do for her. They have coordinated a drive by parade for her so that all her girls can at least wave to her. It may not be much, but at least she will get a moment or two.

One thing that has been the most up in the air for us is how the school is going to be dealing with their big events. For us it is graduation. The school hasn’t communicated any plans or cancellations about it, just that they are monitoring things, which is frustrating, but also understandable. They don’t want to have to cancel if they can figure out a way to give the kids their moment. That lack of direction made it exceptionally interesting when I got an email letting us know they are doing a drive through pick up for caps and gowns even though there aren’t any plans about an actual ceremony. The whole thing is just so surreal.

While there are oddities and a few bumps, we are still just moving forward and doing our things. I’m grateful that my kids aren’t overly stressed about the changes.

 

Freezing Edge

After nearly a week of beautiful, open window weather, today is a nasty, cold day. Not just cold, but we are currently below freezing. My remaining hyacinths won’t survive the cold snap. It is doubtful the rest of the daffodil’s will either. The one I have left to bloom, the edges will get a bit frost bit at the very least.

I noticed that my single miracle tulip is up and has a bud on it. I have no clue what this freeze will do to it. It will depend on how long it is going to last. Sadly, we are looking at storms and freezing rain and sleet today, so it may get interesting.

I haven’t done a thing lately that could be considered creative. The closest I’ve come is deciding what I’m fixing for dinner and that isn’t even all that creative. I don’t think my brain is willing to focus on much outside of reading at the moment. Even then, I’m doing a reread of one of my favorite series instead of anything new. I think it is tied, at least in part, to information overload, so I’m trying not to take on anything new for a little bit.