Self confidence has never been my strong suit. I know that I am probably a lot harder on myself than most other people will be, especially friends and family. That plays into doubting what they say and fueling that doubt. This is one of those things that I do know and recognize about myself and I’ve tried to watch for it in my kids and encourage them to push past it in themselves. It is something I had thought they were doing pretty well with. Until BG was getting ready to start her art class in second semester.
I obviously enjoy a wide range of books across many genres, but the ones that tend to stick with me the most are the ones that can give me a story about the imperfections of humanity and do so with a strong emotional impact, be it through humor, joy, anger, love, tears or grief. As long as the story fully engages my emotions, I’m probably going to really enjoy it, but even more so if it has a central focus on family.
It occurred to me the other day that I’m getting close to the two year anniversary of when the life I was familiar with began to get ripped apart, and continued to do so through the fall, yet I am still raw and healing in places.
I’d been dealing with lots of thoughts on the issue of sexual assault and the general response (or lack thereof) when a woman makes a claim of sexual assault quite a bit lately. With my own personal experience in my past, it is an issue I’ve always had struggles with trying to grasp. The last couple of weeks, there have been a couple of things that have popped up, keeping it in the front of my thoughts, even had a discussion on FB. When I saw the hashtag going around, it kind of felt like maybe I needed to get it out of my head. Continue reading “Thoughts on #MeToo”
Last week was hard. Hubby and I made the decision to drop OC from our insurance. It feels like I’m failing as a parent or that I’m a bad parent because I’ve taken that last safety net away. Knowing he doesn’t want it doesn’t change how I feel about it. We decided that we could not give him another opportunity to carelessly or thoughtlessly harm us or the other kids and he could very easily do so as long as he was covered under our plan. Continue reading “Out of Sorts”
Perfect. Unconditional. Selfless. Black and White/Right and Wrong.
I’m going to apologize upfront as this is going to be kind of long and rambling, but these are things that have, yet again, been running through my head on an infinity loop. Continue reading “Pretty Little Lies… Ideals”
Letting go. I’ve had to do a lot of that over the last year. Well, honestly I’ve been doing it for a couple of years, just different things and at different levels. Almost 100% of what I’ve let go are things that brought negativity and ugliness into my life. Continue reading “Letting Go”
A brief, joking conversation on FB with a long time friend sparked a random, bunny trail of thoughts that have kept circling around in my brain since they got kicked off on that track over a week ago. The more I keep going back to them, mulling them over, even after having talked it out a bit with Hubby, and have them still hanging around, makes me think that there is more that I need to be getting out of these thoughts. Since I haven’t quite gotten the point yet, I thought I’d toss them out here to see if it would quiet them down. Continue reading “Trust and Conditioning”
While I have still been reading, I’ve just kind of been off to the side, doing it quietly. Partly because there have been quite a lot of things going on that have kept me too busy and partly because I just haven’t had much to say about what I’ve read recently, no matter if it was really good or not so good. I have still been updating my reading list on Goodreads with ratings, but I haven’t written any reviews recently.
I’m in kind of a reading funk lately. It isn’t that I haven’t read anything good, but I want to find something new that really grabs me and I haven’t found that yet. I have my handful of very favorite authors that I anxiously await anything new they put out because I know, without a doubt, that I’m going to love it. Sadly, that is only a very small handful of authors that fall into that category. I’d made it something of a goal last year to find a new one, but it didn’t happen, which I thought was really surprising as I figured it couldn’t be too hard with as much as I like to read.
Kind of like having a food craving, but not having the right food around to satisfy it, I’ve been reading all kinds of things to try and figure out what I feel I’m missing, even doing a bit of rereading a few books here and there. There have been a few times I thought I’d touched on it, but it never really quite hit the mark. Not sure if it is the sheer volume of books I read and I’m just getting bored or if it is that I genuinely want something I haven’t run across yet, but most of my reading hasn’t been all that satisfying lately, even if I have read some good ones.
I’ve even been shuffling books to the bottom of my reading list, or having to recheck them out later because I didn’t get to them in time, because even though I do want to read them, I’m just not in the mood at the moment for most of what is on my list. Not a fan of the current slump, but it isn’t like it will be much of hardship getting over it, because… books, reading… yeah, not like you’ll have to twist my arm or anything.