I knew last week was going to be emotional. I expected to be weepy at every Christmas program. I did just fine on the first one because BG kept me laughing with her antics with her dance friends. The second one was just full of fun, so it wasn’t one that choked me up.
After those two, I really wasn’t sure how I would handle the third on Saturday as it was the last. The last, last. BG’s last ever Christmas program at her dance studio. As ballet is both her and my favorite and tends to be emotional anyway, I really thought it would be a tear fest. And it was to a certain extent. But it was also full of smiles and laughter because BG can be such a beautiful goofball.
That doesn’t mean that this wasn’t a highly emotional week. It really was, but not for all the reasons I expected it to be. There seemed to be all kinds of little things that snuck in when I wasn’t looking and waved the “Your kids are growing up and becoming adults” flag in my face with a vengeance.
Things like MCG spending a couple of days out of town with MCG’s family to do their holiday thing. Or BG spending the day with her boyfriend and his family. Things that made me get a solid glimpse of what life is going to look like when my kids are grown and out of the house.
I’ve been spoiled with MC going to school close and being able to live at home. Doubly spoiled when MCG decided to move here to go to school. I have them here at home almost all the time, so there have been few changes since he graduated high school. It is looking like BG will also be close, though at a different school, when it is her turn to go to college next year.
All that has just given me a false sense of my kids still being kids and that the big stuff won’t change, but they aren’t kids and I haven’t even come close to seeing the big changes yet. This last week really pulled that into focus for me and it has been hard not to let it all sink me into a funk or let the sadness take over.
When I posted the pictures from BG’s last Christmas program, I struggled not to sit here and bawl my eyes out. As much as I did okay at the time, seeing it all on screen and not being caught up in the moment as it happened was just a lot to take in. It was at the end of this crazy week. BG was out with her boyfriend, MC and MCG were out on a date and the house was just way too quite for me as the reality of where I’m at in my life and where my kids are settled in.
I am so happy for my kids. I’m so proud of them and where they are and where they are heading. It all still just makes me want to cry. So many things are changing. I know I still have a few years before my house is empty, at least I hope, but this week really made it clear that they are absolutely changing and my house will be empty before I can blink.