Bleh!

I finally forced myself to go to the doctor yesterday. I always dread it when I have to go for my annual bout of bronchitis because I feel like I’m drug seeking. I know what works. I’ve been doing this for years and yet, for years, the doctors always do the same thing. Give me various different things like steroids, inhalers, or whatever new drug they are pushing. The only thing that works is the steroids to calm things down and the cough medicine with the codeine to stop me from coughing, either until I puke or pee. Even then, it often takes several rounds to get this crap to go away and by then we are into February or March. Continue reading “Bleh!”

And Done!

At least with the decorating part anyway. I still need to get back to work on my nutcracker project, but I think I’m going to need to take a day off to just rest tomorrow. Trying to do all of this over the last week while battling a very nasty cough has just worn me out and I think I need to be done for a bit. Tomorrow is doing to be a veg day where I just sit and soak up all the pretty that is my house for the holidays. Continue reading “And Done!”

Productive But Behind

Today is our traditional day to put up all of our holiday decorations, but I really needed to finish the trellis project that we started a couple of months ago because it was part of my plan for decorating outside. I really believed that it wouldn’t take that long to get them in place. Once again I was wrong on that. It took nearly 5 hours to get them finished and installed. After several days of working my tail off getting things done, starting on my nutcrackers and for Thanksgiving, I’m already dragging. So, that is probably going to be it for me for the day and I’ll get to the actual decorating again tomorrow. I hate the delay, but I’m thrilled to get one more project off my to do list and out of my garage.

Need Something Beautiful

I needed something beautiful after the absolute roller coaster of emotional shit that today has been. I have felt pulled apart and stomped on, picked up and dusted off, rearranged and put back in a different order. In the end, some things have been said that needed said and new boundaries put in place. We will see if anything changes, but I’ve kind of given up any expectations of that. One more thing to let go and it is hanging by a spider’s thread.

Out of Sorts

Last week was hard. Hubby and I made the decision to drop OC from our insurance. It feels like I’m failing as a parent or that I’m a bad parent because I’ve taken that last safety net away. Knowing he doesn’t want it doesn’t change how I feel about it. We decided that we could not give him another opportunity to carelessly or thoughtlessly harm us or the other kids and he could very easily do so as long as he was covered under our plan. Continue reading “Out of Sorts”

Need This To Stop

Another piece of mail has upended me. Well, it wasn’t the piece of mail itself, but what it has led to. Another forced discussion of OC and where our boundaries lie. I could go on and on with the details, but they aren’t what really matter. In the end, we have gotten a definitive “I want nothing to do with you” from OC. Continue reading “Need This To Stop”

Hindsight

One of the many projects that has been sitting on my to do list has been to dig through all of my old photos to find my favorites to print and hang on the walls. I’ve been terrible over the years of just moving them from my camera to my computer and not ever really doing anything with them beyond posting them on FB or adding them to my background or screensaver. Continue reading “Hindsight”

Pretty Little Lies… Ideals

Perfect. Unconditional. Selfless. Black and White/Right and Wrong.

I’m going to apologize upfront as this is going to be kind of long and rambling, but these are things that have, yet again, been running through my head on an infinity loop. Continue reading “Pretty Little Lies… Ideals”

Storm Front

Today is a tough day for me emotionally. Back when OC left, Hubby and I struggled a lot with what was okay to do for him if he needed it and what we just could no longer provide. There was no doubt in our minds that it wasn’t very likely that he would ever ask, but it was something we needed to be prepared for anyway. Continue reading “Storm Front”

Dance Time

My daughter, BG, dances. For her, it is really just about doing something fun. She does most of the options available to her, tap and jazz, but her favorite is ballet. Last year, she got to do pointe for the first time. I was thrilled for her, but found out quickly that, for her, it was probably way more work than what she wanted to put in for something that was just supposed to be fun. After about week 2, she came out of class in tears. Continue reading “Dance Time”

Nearly A Year

It was slightly less than a year ago that OC decided that he wanted a life unhindered by parents and rules. It is past the one year mark since I cut ties with the majority of my family. I have learned a lot in that time. About me. About my kids. About what is important.

Continue reading “Nearly A Year”