Need Something Beautiful

I needed something beautiful after the absolute roller coaster of emotional shit that today has been. I have felt pulled apart and stomped on, picked up and dusted off, rearranged and put back in a different order. In the end, some things have been said that needed said and new boundaries put in place. We will see if anything changes, but I’ve kind of given up any expectations of that. One more thing to let go and it is hanging by a spider’s thread.

Out of Sorts

Last week was hard. Hubby and I made the decision to drop OC from our insurance. It feels like I’m failing as a parent or that I’m a bad parent because I’ve taken that last safety net away. Knowing he doesn’t want it doesn’t change how I feel about it. We decided that we could not give him another opportunity to carelessly or thoughtlessly harm us or the other kids and he could very easily do so as long as he was covered under our plan. Continue reading “Out of Sorts”

Need This To Stop

Another piece of mail has upended me. Well, it wasn’t the piece of mail itself, but what it has led to. Another forced discussion of OC and where our boundaries lie. I could go on and on with the details, but they aren’t what really matter. In the end, we have gotten a definitive “I want nothing to do with you” from OC. Continue reading “Need This To Stop”

Hindsight

One of the many projects that has been sitting on my to do list has been to dig through all of my old photos to find my favorites to print and hang on the walls. I’ve been terrible over the years of just moving them from my camera to my computer and not ever really doing anything with them beyond posting them on FB or adding them to my background or screensaver. Continue reading “Hindsight”

Pretty Little Lies… Ideals

Perfect. Unconditional. Selfless. Black and White/Right and Wrong.

I’m going to apologize upfront as this is going to be kind of long and rambling, but these are things that have, yet again, been running through my head on an infinity loop. Continue reading “Pretty Little Lies… Ideals”

Nearly A Year

It was slightly less than a year ago that OC decided that he wanted a life unhindered by parents and rules. It is past the one year mark since I cut ties with the majority of my family. I have learned a lot in that time. About me. About my kids. About what is important.

Continue reading “Nearly A Year”

Coping and Cleaning Out

The last couple of weekends have been really hard and really busy.  After OC decided to not be here anymore, Hubby and I needed to clean the toxic waste dump that was his room.  It smelled horrid as he never did laundry or cleaned up even slightly.  When I say didn’t do laundry, I mean he hadn’t done it since he got back from my parents the first of July.  Not once.  I’m sure there were even some things buried in his closet that had been there for much longer.  There was trash and junk and pretty much everything you could imagine shoved in every nook and cranny. Continue reading “Coping and Cleaning Out”

Still Processing and Moving Forward

It has been over two weeks since years of frustration blew up all over the place.  I’ve spent a lot of that time combing through memories of various events and their impact on my life, talking with Hubby about everything and discussing where we go from here.  I’ve also been sorting through my feelings about the fact that not a single member of my family has yet to make the effort to contact me. Continue reading “Still Processing and Moving Forward”

Reflections on Family and Relationships

The importance put on family is something I have spent a lot of time thinking on, not just lately, but for a very long time.  With some of the issues with OC and also with regards to my own parents, siblings and in-laws, it has been something that has kind of always sat in the back of my mind.  Why do we put different standards around family relationships versus all other relationships?  There are times where you are forced to put up with or tolerate behavior and treatment from family members that would never, ever be considered even remotely okay with any other person in your life.  Why does blood grant that privilege?  Recently, I’ve been forced to face this question head on and come up with some real answers for myself and my immediate family. Continue reading “Reflections on Family and Relationships”