Heartsick and Angry

When will America love their children more than their guns?

I avoided posting yesterday because I knew if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to avoid the vitriolic post that would come out of how I was feeling. The above quote is one that expresses a portion of what I feel in fewer words. While I’ve worked through much of that, it is far from gone so if you want to avoid the spillage that remains, feel free to move on.

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Bring On The Scary

This will probably be the first year ever that I won’t be carving a pumpkin for Halloween. We have always gone all out for Halloween with a full on haunted garage and everything and the pumpkins have always been a huge part of that. It is something I adore doing and usually put a crap ton of work into, but this year, I do not have the motivation. At all. Continue reading “Bring On The Scary”

Need This To Stop

Another piece of mail has upended me. Well, it wasn’t the piece of mail itself, but what it has led to. Another forced discussion of OC and where our boundaries lie. I could go on and on with the details, but they aren’t what really matter. In the end, we have gotten a definitive “I want nothing to do with you” from OC. Continue reading “Need This To Stop”

Hindsight

One of the many projects that has been sitting on my to do list has been to dig through all of my old photos to find my favorites to print and hang on the walls. I’ve been terrible over the years of just moving them from my camera to my computer and not ever really doing anything with them beyond posting them on FB or adding them to my background or screensaver. Continue reading “Hindsight”

Storm Front

Today is a tough day for me emotionally. Back when OC left, Hubby and I struggled a lot with what was okay to do for him if he needed it and what we just could no longer provide. There was no doubt in our minds that it wasn’t very likely that he would ever ask, but it was something we needed to be prepared for anyway. Continue reading “Storm Front”

Nearly A Year

It was slightly less than a year ago that OC decided that he wanted a life unhindered by parents and rules. It is past the one year mark since I cut ties with the majority of my family. I have learned a lot in that time. About me. About my kids. About what is important.

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Coping and Cleaning Out

The last couple of weekends have been really hard and really busy.  After OC decided to not be here anymore, Hubby and I needed to clean the toxic waste dump that was his room.  It smelled horrid as he never did laundry or cleaned up even slightly.  When I say didn’t do laundry, I mean he hadn’t done it since he got back from my parents the first of July.  Not once.  I’m sure there were even some things buried in his closet that had been there for much longer.  There was trash and junk and pretty much everything you could imagine shoved in every nook and cranny. Continue reading “Coping and Cleaning Out”

The Hits Keep Coming

Yesterday was an exercise in extremes around here with regards to the kids.  Hubby got this heart meltingly awesome text from MC basically saying what an awesome dad he is and that MC appreciates and loves him.  It was random and out of the blue.  It isn’t something that MC has ever done in the past and his displays of affection aren’t that common, as is typical for a 14 year old.  It made me cry at how utterly amazing this kid is and that he has this huge squishy heart. Continue reading “The Hits Keep Coming”

Still Processing and Moving Forward

It has been over two weeks since years of frustration blew up all over the place.  I’ve spent a lot of that time combing through memories of various events and their impact on my life, talking with Hubby about everything and discussing where we go from here.  I’ve also been sorting through my feelings about the fact that not a single member of my family has yet to make the effort to contact me. Continue reading “Still Processing and Moving Forward”

Reflections on Family and Relationships

The importance put on family is something I have spent a lot of time thinking on, not just lately, but for a very long time.  With some of the issues with OC and also with regards to my own parents, siblings and in-laws, it has been something that has kind of always sat in the back of my mind.  Why do we put different standards around family relationships versus all other relationships?  There are times where you are forced to put up with or tolerate behavior and treatment from family members that would never, ever be considered even remotely okay with any other person in your life.  Why does blood grant that privilege?  Recently, I’ve been forced to face this question head on and come up with some real answers for myself and my immediate family. Continue reading “Reflections on Family and Relationships”

Finally Sinking In?

When you first realize that you are going to become a parent, and for some, long before then even, we start dreaming of what that means, both for us and our children.  We picture going to all their extracurricular activities, be it baseball or dance or piano or karate or any number of things.  Continue reading “Finally Sinking In?”