I wanted to try and get a photo of my one tulip that has managed to miraculously exist in my flower bed after having not bloomed for years until last year. Sadly, I think the weather took it’s toll. It was open yesterday, but the photos I got didn’t turn out very good. Today, it isn’t open all the way and the edges are beginning to darken and curl.
When I first went outside, it was mostly quiet with a few birds singing and some distant sounds of someone working in their yard. It was peaceful.
By the time I stepped from my porch to my yard, it was suddenly crazy with multiple car horns going off. At first I thought it was on the street outside my neighborhood. Then they got closer and louder.
Turns out someone was having a car parade, much like the one I participated in the other day, except it was explicitly stated in ours to not use horns or even scream and yell loudly out of respect for the studio owner and her neighbors. This one was doing both. There were maybe 10 or so cars and all of them were laying on their horns or repeatedly hitting them.
I get that I can easily drop into cranky old hag mode or grumpy neighbor mode when I think people are being rude. This was ridiculous. It was 10 am. People are working from home. Kids are doing school work. BG often has required calls where all students have to be on (luckily for her, today’s wasn’t until later). I know that there are at least a couple of people in my neighborhood that work in the medical profession on night shifts.
I get wanting to celebrate something in whatever way you can during all the crazy that is going on. I get that this didn’t really last more than a few minutes. I also understand that, because I’m so deeply programed to think about other people, stuff like this pushes all my buttons. But… the utter arrogance and the selfish mindset behind this still ticks me off. It is just one more example of people only thinking of themselves and not having a lick of common courtesy for others. It was rude at the very base and exceptionally disruptive. I seriously hope that no one in this neighborhood is actually sick and trying to get some rest and that idiocy woke them up.
If me getting upset over some people “just having a little fun” makes me a cranky old hag, I’ll wear that label proudly.
I’ve had probably half a dozen posts running through my head the last week or so and almost every single one of them are rants about one thing or another. Being frustrated at the massive back and forth swings of trying to sell a book. Idiots at the grocery store doing stupid shit (and nearly getting an accidental elbow in the face for their stupidity.) People that play games to boost something random and stupid like follower numbers (People! Anyone can see that you didn’t “follow everyone” when they don’t see that “follows you” tag next to their name. Saying and doing that kind of crap makes you an attention seeking asshole.) People that make commitments they don’t keep and fail to pass along that they won’t or can’t be keeping said commitment and leaving others hanging in that limbo of not knowing. More idiots, but those behind the wheel of a car (do not get me started.)
Those are just the ranting posts about other people and outside situations. I also had several rants about the absolutely irrational, ridiculous mess that runs through my head every single time I think about making a post that isn’t a photo or a book review. Or any time I think about commenting somewhere. Basically talking about the mess that my brain makes of any kind of social interaction at all and the fact that I’ve realized some of it isn’t so much being an introvert, but that it is actual anxiety and that it has taken me over 40 years to come to this realization.
When I tried to figure out what I wanted to post and all this went through my head, I realized I’m just in extreme cranky mode right now and pretty much everything is pissing me off or getting on my nerves. I usually try to keep things on a nicer, higher, happier note here. I’m also all for a good rant now and then to get something out of my head or to blow off some steam, but every single one of those posts would have just been an ugly mass of cranky.
I know that part of why I get this way is that I’m trying to do too much and I’m frustrated at the things I’m not getting done. Part of it is that sort of adrenaline crash you get after an emotional high (like after a major event or vacation), in this case, seeing my Amazon ad winding down. Part of it is managing expectations. Part of it is the massive amount of heavy books I’ve read recently. And part of it is just a mood.
I think I might go find some fluffy feel good reads or something I’ve already read that I know I’ll love to see if I can shift that mood.
When I see someone posting about being born in the late ’90s, knowing they are a functioning adult, my brain sort of cramps and I get a little twitch in the corner of my eye. OC was born in the late ’90s, so this kind of statement makes me feel incredibly old knowing I have a kid that technically falls into that same category. It really doesn’t help that Hubby just had a birthday and we were both cringing at the fact that he is only a year away from a half a century. Most days, my age isn’t a huge deal to me. It is just moments like this, when I’m forced to think in numbers rather than in feeling that I start to feel a little on the ancient side of things.
On an unrelated note, when I went to post the image for this, I was floored that it wasn’t in my images already. I could have sworn I’d posted this ages ago. Either way, here it is. It is something I did… back in the late ’90s, early ’00s for a college art class. We were supposed to reproduce a master’s work. I think I may have skirted the rules a bit as Jan van Eyck probably didn’t quite count (the teacher was really looking for recognizable pieces), but there was something crazily appealing about his self portrait that I couldn’t get out of my head. This is done in my favorite charcoal/eraser technique and is one of my favorite pieces even if it isn’t my best by a long shot. And no, it isn’t actually a cranky old hag even if it may look like one. The artist is a guy. Feel free to search his name if you want to compare my amateurish attempt. This portrait is one of the first in the results.