I sort of gave myself the gift of being unplugged for the holidays. Everyone was going to be home. Hubby takes vacation every year to closely match the kids’ winter break from school giving us all almost 2 weeks of just family time. Of course we do the holidays, but the rest of the time is a mix of just chilling, watching movies, and playing games. It is a time that we all usually really look forward to.
This year wasn’t much different in that everyone still really looks forward to that time. The difference this year is that we added MCG to the tradition. I think one of the things MC looked forward to the most was getting to share all of that with her. Having her here is awesome and made the whole time that much richer. She fits as though she was custom made to slot into our family. It is kind of a shock to me because that just isn’t something that has ever happened at any level of my life experience. I love that for my son and our family.
Another difference this year was BG spending a lot of her time with her boyfriend. It is mostly a newish thing, but he is someone she has known and been friends with for years. That difference has been harder for me to shift with. Probably because she is my baby and I’m just being that “don’t want my kids to grow up yet” mom. I am happy for her that she has found a boyfriend she is actually comfortable with as her few experiences with the whole dating thing have been weirdly awkward and not great. I absolutely want her to find someone she can be happy with. I just need to get over myself and whatever cranky pants mood I’ve been soaking in lately.
That has been my other difference this year. I have loved this time, as usual. I’ve spent tons of time doing all the things I usually enjoy, the cooking and decorating and just absorbing the warmth of it all. But those things have been on a merry-go-round with the cranky pants. Maybe because we had a round of sickies tossed into the mix that caused us to shift our plans around a little. Maybe because having MCG here opened my eyes to some things that I’ve let slip away from me over the years when she brought them back surrounded by loads of enthusiasm and joy. I was a little disappointed in seeing that I’d let those things slip as it says a lot about me and how I’ve changed in some ways I don’t like.
I think that this holiday season has shown me that it is past time for me to rebalance. I have done all I can to achieve certain goals in life. That work is done and all I can do now is to see if that work was enough for those goals to manifest as the rest is out of my hands. If I keep trying to do more, I’ll just overwork it and ensure that the work fails.
It is time to shift my focus, something I think that I subconsciously already knew as I spent an entire year building the foundations for that shift when I built my new room. I would like to see this year take the motivation and creativity of last year and continue it in a new vein. Hopefully, with smaller, more bite sized projects. It will also be about constantly checking my balance and making adjustments. I need to remember to always look for the peace and joy because that is one of the things I think I’ve let slip.
Wishing all of you find some of that same peace and joy this year.