I’m having an incredibly difficult time with this today. Both on a much larger, external scale and a much smaller, personal scale.
I want to be understanding and compassionate when others are having a difficult time, for whatever reason. I’ve always struggled with being able to see both sides of a lot of different situations and not able to feel comfortable landing solidly on either side. Normally, this allows me to more easily be understanding and compassionate.
Some divides are more obvious to me, no matter if I can see both perspectives and knowing where I land is much easier, but it makes it so much harder to find that compassion. Right now, I’m very solidly landing on one side and not only am I finding it hard to feel that compassion, but I’m feeling a whole lot of anger to go with it.
On the larger scale side of things, there is nothing I can really do about it but care for myself and my loved ones, making sure we do what we need for us. On the personal side? Well, that is where it is getting messy and I am not happy today at all.
Personal choices and actions always play a huge part in how I feel about things and this situation is heavily impacted by choices. Selfish and even somewhat thoughtless choices by others are now putting my family at a much higher risk and I’m trying so hard not to be angry about them.
Yes, there are reasons. Some of those reasons are understandable to a degree and I sympathize with those reasons. But many more of them are based on an irrational mindset that they can still live life as if nothing were out of the ordinary and little to no thought or concern is put on how those actions will impact others.
It is so hard not to be angry today. Especially when other options are there, but those options are refused. Especially when others should be playing a part but won’t upset their own personal routine because it isn’t convenient, yet we must inconvenience ourselves at a much higher risk of expense. Especially when advice and guidance has been given by those in a professional capacity with years of knowledge and experience, but it is discounted because the it isn’t the desired solution or outcome. Especially when this was something that was seen long ago, but ignored and left unaddressed. Especially when attitudes come across as a childlike temper tantrum instead of a rational adult willing to look beyond just themselves.
While the above can absolutely be applied to the larger, external situation, it is also very specific to my personal one. Because of that, I’m now being forced to sit on the side and watch the actions of others put me and my family at a much greater risk when it isn’t absolutely necessary. I want to be compassionate and understanding. I know that some of the reasons behind the situation warrant those things, but so much more just makes me angry it is hard to find the balance.