So BG has already had a fun event at school and it is only day 2. Last year, I think I posted about this kid at lunch that made her really uncomfortable during lunch at the beginning of the year. She quickly found a friend to sit with and that ended the situation without much fanfare or drama and never had an issue after that.
They didn’t have a normal lunch yesterday because of first day back activities, but BG has already learned that none of her friends are in her lunch period. She found a table that didn’t have anyone at it and sat there alone. When most everyone had made it in and was sitting, this kid from last year manages to find her table, which is still entirely empty, and sits in the seat right next to her. There are also other completely open tables in the lunch room and in the area of her table. But he chose to sit in the seat. RIGHT. NEXT. TO. HER. This kid then proceeds to be crude, chewing with his mouth open and attempting to talk to BG at the same time. She did her best to just sit quietly and ignore the kid, but he still persisted and made her exceptionally uncomfortable. He got up once to go get something and BG slid to another seat at the table, just to get some space because this kid doesn’t understand or care about some of those basic, unwritten social rules people tend to live by in an effort to avoid those awkward, uncomfortable situations.
She does not know this kid. She has never had a class with him before. She had never seen this kid before he sat next to her at lunch last year, and that lasted less than a week before she found some friends to sit with. Why this kid thinks it is okay is beyond me.
It is so incredibly frustrating because it is kind of this ugly, sticky situation. She is completely uncomfortable in all ways, but she doesn’t ever like to speak up, so she won’t say a word to this kid. She also won’t say anything to a teacher or a lunch monitor in an effort to get them to intervene because the kid hasn’t exactly done anything that would violate rules. She doesn’t like to rock the boat or do anything that could offend someone and is this whole other thing tied to the ugly fears in our schools nowadays. That whole “what if they are THAT kid?” If he has some sort of disorder that would make it hard or impossible for him to pick up on social cues (I have no clue if this is a fact, BG really can’t say one way or the other), it would make this a different kind of sticky, but it is still sticky.
Her solution to this problem is to talk to a teacher she had last year that is near her lunch room to see if she can come and eat in the teacher’s classroom instead (and may not get permission for any number of reasons). I get it. The school can’t fix a problem they don’t know about, but… She shouldn’t be forced to be uncomfortable. She shouldn’t have to fear speaking up when someone makes her feel that way. She shouldn’t have to find these exceptionally twisty, creative ways to avoid a situation that makes her that uncomfortable. It really is one of those “No real, good solution” kind of things and I honestly don’t know what the best advice is to give her. I just hope that the teacher she is going to approach will agree to let her eat in her room.
Did I mention this is only day 2? *sigh*
TJ Fox: Sharing the Experience 
I’m a little confused- does she think he is seeking her out? Is she unwilling to simply try another table that has an open seat and see what happens- as in does he attempt to sit with her again or find his own place somewhere else?
I think that you’re implying that she may not feel comfortable approaching new kids at this point and so feels she can’t really sit at a table with kids she doesn’t know, at least not yet.
Other than lack of social skills, has she voiced anything else about this boy that causes her so much discomfort?
I can totally understand where she’s coming from as this would have been me in high school. I wish I could go back and tell my high school self to just talk to the kid and be honest or at the least tell him to please move over a seat!
Perhaps she can bring a book and immerse herself in some very important reading while she ignores him. Yikes!
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Oh, he intentionally sits in the seat next to her, wherever she sits if there is any chance he can. Last year, after a day or two of this behavior, she put her backpack in the open seat next to her hoping he would find someplace else. A guy she at least knew and was comfortable with in the seat on the other side of her and another open seat at the same table. When he came over, he moved her pack to the floor and sat right next to her, ignoring the other open seat at the table and all the other open seats at the tables around them. She tried sitting at other tables, hoping he would would just sit at the same table he’d sat at previously, but he still sat at her table, right next to her, no matter how many other open seats there were.
She is shy and a bit introverted, but that isn’t what this is about. It is about the fact that this kid aggressively gets in space that most people would consider uncomfortable territory when there are loads of other options. It feels really stalkery and creepy to her and that is what makes her so uncomfortable. This is all amplified by the fact that a lot of kids in school these days carry a legitimate fear of setting off the wrong kid, just in case.
As shy and introverted as I am, I don’t think I would have had an issue telling a kid like this to not sit so close to me or been obvious about getting up and moving, without a second thought. I’ve had both BG and MC say straight up that they wouldn’t ever say anything that might tick someone off in case they were the kind to bring a gun to school. No joke. It is a very, very different world for these kids than even when I was in school, so just telling her she needs to speak up and tell the kid to move isn’t going to make her feel any more comfortable about the mess, even if he did move.
Like I said, the whole thing is this ugly, sticky mess. I absolutely hate it. I hate that it causes her so much stress and anxiety and that there really isn’t much I can do about it.
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Well that’s a completely different story and I’m sorry she is dealing with this. There has to be a counselor she can speak with, although I understand the concern that if the kid finds himself being questioned about his dining choices it might be easy to trace back to her. I hope the school is willing to accommodate her and allow her to find a place to eat in peace and without discomfort or fear.
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I think she plans to talk to this teacher tomorrow. She doesn’t have her this semester, so that may be interesting. If she doesn’t find a viable solution and this continues to be a problem, I will push for her to have a conversation with someone.
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