Finding Balance

Icy

Apparently I don’t have enough things to do to keep me occupied, I have to go and create a bunch of blogs.  Not just one, because there are some things I need to keep organized and this is just one of ways I can be incredibly anal.  I debated a while about just doing a single blog, but I really wasn’t comfortable dumping the personal drama on the reading site and I didn’t think that everyone that wanted to read about books would care about the art or the cake.  It is possible, but there is no need to pump out a bunch of stuff that just may not be something someone wants to read, even if the main reason for all of this is for me.

The last year, at the very least, confirmed that I needed an outlet for some of the junk in my head and a place to just let go of a lot of emotion without having it constantly swallowing every single conversation I have with everyone in my emotional support system, which I’ve also discovered is sadly small.  You do not realize until you need it, how few people in your social sphere are actually in that emotional support system.  I’m a stay at home mom that is more hermit than social butterfly, so the pool is already shallow.

Every person has drama they have to deal with in their life.  Add kids and spouse and parents and family and friends and you grow that drama exponentially.  For a long time, I participated in and ran several forums and was President of my HOA.  I was also buried under a crap ton of drama and stress.  When I realized that I spent more time upset or angry than enjoying the good in my life, I took a long look at my choices and made a lot of changes.  I stepped almost entirely away from all the online stuff and after some seriously intense BS with my HOA, I resigned that position as well.  The last was quite a bit harder for me as I am very much a finish what you start person and I’d made a commitment.  When I accepted the fact that I was not only adding undue stress to myself and my family, but that my position on the board was not actually helping the neighborhood and that someone else in my position could have a better impact, I knew it was okay to walk away from that commitment.

Since then, it has been a whole lot easier to deal with the really important drama in my life.  Sadly, that drama has only grown as my kids get older, my oldest being the one that is pretty much shredding both me and my husband emotionally.  When I stepped away from my online forums, I also stepped away from the crazy, unexpected family that grew out of that.  I am still in contact with a few of them, but the relationships are not the same and depending on them to be a sounding board on much of this no longer feels comfortable.  I seriously considered just creating something private, a place to work through some of this stuff, but realized I might be surprised by what I find if I put this out there.  I have been in the past, so this time may not be an exception.

I expect posts here to be sporadic, but plentiful as stuff tends to run in cycles of periods of calm broken by major crazy and will run the gamut of rants, emotional dumps, thinking out loud, bragging, and maybe even the occasional pity party mixed with some serious randomness.

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Author: TJ Fox

Slightly sane artist, book addict, wife and mother of 3 who is forever rethinking her place in this world.

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